<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Married Ones by fandroid1</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933379">The Married Ones</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandroid1/pseuds/fandroid1'>fandroid1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes &amp; Related Fandoms, The Normal Heart (2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU - Felix did not die, Eavesdropping, Humor, John Watson is Not Gay, M/M, Meddling Neighbors, Mrs. Hudson's married ones, Mrs. Turner's married ones - Freeform, Neighbors Dynamics, Sherlock stole the ashtray from Buckingham Palace for John, THE Sweetheart, They are, and he and Ned are married, except of course he is</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:02:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandroid1/pseuds/fandroid1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix and Ned Weeks-Turner are "Mrs. Turner's married ones", living next door to Sherlock and John, who are not a couple and not married - a situation obviously needs fixing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Turner/Ned Weeks, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Married Ones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueink3/gifts">blueink3</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A tribute to the exquisite <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/3522677/chapters/7747409">"To the Sticking Place"</a> by blueink3</p><p>This is a crossover, but it's enough to just know "Sherlock" (isn't it right about everything in life?)</p><p>Lots of thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/mific/pseuds/mific">mific</a> for her remarks and beta work.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"221b is rented,” announces Felix as he enters the room.</p><p>“Hmm,” says Ned without raising his head from the newspaper.</p><p>“To a pair named Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Mrs. Hudson says they’re the cutest couple she’s ever seen. Well, almost.”</p><p>“This reservation is because <em>we’re </em>the cutest?” Ned turns a page over, still doesn't very interested.</p><p>Felix laughs. “No, it’s because they’re almost a <em>couple</em>.”</p><p>Now Ned gives him a doubtful look. “How can they be <em>almost </em>a couple?”</p><p>“Apparently, John claims he’s not gay,” Felix says, smiling.</p><p><em>That </em>makes Ned put down the paper and launch into one of his angry speeches about the discrimination and suppression of society that still forces people to remain closeted. When he finishes Felix’s still grinning, unperturbed. “Mrs. Hudson says she gives them two weeks at the most.”</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>The Weeks-Turners live in an apartment belonging to Felix’s single, elderly aunt, Agatha Turner, who lives downstairs. When Ned got a profitable job offer in London, Felix contacted her and she offered them the place, which was perfect in almost every respect. Ned says it's close enough to the office, the park and the tube, but far too close to the most interfering old lady in England.</p><p>Felix likes going down to his aunt to chat with her and with next door's owner, Mrs. Hudson. Ned fails to see the attraction but doesn’t complain as long as he keeps coming back with freshly-baked biscuits. Felix is undoubtedly the old ladies’ favorite tenant, and Ned can’t blame them when he sees Felix's lean figure gracefully sprawled in a chair, gossiping cheerfully. When Mrs. Turner once told her nephew she didn't understand why such a nice, good-looking young man would stay with “that cranky activist”, Felix just crinkled his eyes in a mischievous smile and whispered in her ear: “he’s really good in bed”.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The new couple-not-couple next door ignites Felix’s curiosity, and he hurries to find out more about them.</p><p>“John’s an ex-military doctor, and Sherlock’s a consulting detective,” he tells Ned.</p><p>Ned frowns. “What’s that?”</p><p>“Dunno. But he’s the only one in the world!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Every time Felix meets Mrs. Hudson she shares some more details with him about “her boys”, something Ned finds a bit disturbing but he'd rather not dwell on it—if Mrs. H knows so much about <em>her</em> tenants, he’s certain Mrs. Turner knows no less about him and Felix, and he prefers not knowing exactly how much privacy he doesn’t have. </p><p>Mrs. Hudson, so it seems, is very displeased with her couple’s refusal to identify themselves as such. She tells Felix every time they’re "having a little domestic", and Ned really would rather she didn’t, since Felix seems on the verge of joining her “now KISS!” campaign.</p><p>As a matter of fact, it turns out Ned’s the only one who doesn’t think the inhabitants of 221b are the best thing that's happened in Baker Street since the opening of the nearby Tesco.</p><p>Every time Mrs. Turner visits them, or when Felix forces Ned to join him for a courtesy call, she no longer bothers to fake interest in his work—she’s completely engrossed in “The Work”, meaning Sherlock Holmes’ investigations. She’s an enthusiastic reader of John Watson's blog, and together with the information she gets from her best friend Mrs. Hudson she shows an almost terrifying expertise in crime. Or at least Ned thinks so. The last thing he needs is a landlady with criminal expertise. </p><p>As if that isn’t enough, Mrs. Hudson’s couple provides Agatha Turner fresh ammunition in her favorite guerrilla war: “criticizing Ned Weeks”. Every time they meet she’ll make at least one remark about John and Sherlock's lifestyle, accompanied by a judgmental stare. “John does all the shopping for Sherlock”. “John makes sure Sherlock eats enough”. “John <em>always </em>makes Sherlock tea”. </p><p>Ned only scores a point on the day his accumulated knowledge allows him to dryly point out that Sherlock said buying milk and doing dishes were offensive, horrid demands, bordering on abominations.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Soon enough Felix’s no longer content with second-hand information and turns to independent research. He waits by the window until he sees Sherlock or John going out, speculates where they're going and why they're alone or together, and starts spending a considerable amount of time with his ear glued to the living room wall.</p><p>Since the walls in their building are thin, they can hear pretty well whenever Sherlock plays his violin or yells at the TV (something that happens way too often, in Ned’s opinion). Felix says that if he presses his ear against the wall he can hear ordinary conversation, too.</p><p>Felix’s new habit gets on Ned’s nerves quickly. Every time he sees Felix's long-limbed figure attached to the wall he gets a mental image of a bug lurking to catch prey.</p><p>Ned hates bugs. </p><p>He still has to shout for Felix—or Mrs. Turner, when there’s no choice—every time he finds a spider. Felix always captures them gently and releases them outside. Mrs. Turner squashes them firmly with her slipper, then gives him a condescending look (“John faced poisonous centipedes daily in Afghanistan, you know”).</p><p>Ned loses his temper with all the nonsense. “Why won’t you just introduce yourself and befriend them so they’ll tell you stuff willingly?” </p><p>The lurking bug looks at him as if he’s crazy: “You reckon? Where’s the fun in that?”</p><p> </p><p>Felix is fascinated by stories about the knife stuck in the mantle in 221b, the human skull, and the legendary ashtray (“Straight from Buckingham Palace!” Mrs. Hudson had bragged). </p><p>"I wish I could <em>see </em>all that,” he says longingly.</p><p>Ned glares at him. “You know you could always knock, have a cup of tea with them, and see everything up close while <em>sitting in their living room</em>?”</p><p>Felix looks horrified and takes his hand seriously. “Neddie, promise me you’ll never have tea at their place. Only this morning John yelled at Sherlock for putting some sort of white crystalline poison in the sugar dish as part of an experiment—and we both know you can't drink tea without sugar.”</p><p>Ned looks down at his current cuppa which contains no less than four spoons of sugar, and thinks that no matter what flaws he has in the culinary area and how much Felix nags him about it, he’ll never be as bad as Sherlock with his noxious chemicals and body parts in the fridge.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Despite the occasional benefits of being able to compare himself favorably to a totally hideous flatmate, Ned can’t say he feels sympathy or even curiosity towards Sherlock Holmes—especially when Ned often feels he suffer no less than Sherlock's actual flatmate. John Watson seems nice enough, but not particulary interesting.</p><p>In fact, Ned thinks he could’ve gone on with his life perfectly well without even knowing what his neighbors look like, if Felix hadn't made him halt one day as they returned with bags of groceries (<em>together, Mrs. Turner, notice</em>). Jars of jam had almost shattered on the pavement as Felix abruptly pulled him down to hide behind a parked car. From this spot he excitedly pointed out the tall man in a long coat and the shorter man beside him, who were deep in animated conversation. Or, to be precise, the tall one was lecturing fervently, waving his hands, while the short one nodded patiently.</p><p>Ned thought Sherlock was pretty much like Felix from the outside—his height, the dark hair, the bright eyes—although inside he was more like John, with his tolerance and his kind and friendly nature.</p><p>Annoyingly, Ned finds himself in the Sherlock role, being blatant, argumentative, competitive and nearly unable to shut up. He consoles himself with the thought that at least he can take Felix’s enthusiasm for Sherlock as a compliment.</p><p>He’s less enthusiastic when Felix shows caution clearly adopted from Sherlock and forces him to stay crouching down until the famous couple is out of sight. Unfortunately, except for looking pretty average, he doesn’t share much with Watson—especially not his passion for this whole detective drama thing. </p><p>A while later he finds there's another resemblance between Felix and John, as his husband calls him to the wall. </p><p>Ned sighs. “I’m really not interested, honey.”</p><p>“It’s important!”</p><p>Ned reluctantly sets aside the response he’s formulating to an article in <em>The Spectator</em>. Apparently, on the other side of the wall, John’s in the middle of a tirade about minimum requirements for tidiness, appropriate behavior, and table manners. </p><p>“I thought you'd benefit from it as well,” Felix says, grinning, insufferably smug. </p><p>Ned can no longer muster much empathy for John Watson.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Later that week Ned waits for Felix to return from his weekly meeting with Mrs. Turner and Mrs. Hudson. Seriously, it's getting ridiculous. Finally, long past midnight, Felix shows up. He seems slightly tipsy and Ned could swear he smells of marijuana.</p><p>Torn between ire and amusement, and knowing he’ll hear about it anyway, he asks what’s new in 221b.</p><p>“John keeps saying he’s <em>'not gay'</em>.” Felix sounds affronted. “Doesn’t he understand how much it hurts Sherlock? The way he keeps denying their relationship?”</p><p>“I thought Sherlock was the one who announced on their first meeting that he was 'married to his work'.” Felix had found that out a couple of days ago after buttering up Angelo. </p><p>Felix rolls his eyes. “Yes, and then he made John <em>part</em> of his work, practically an <em>inseparable</em> part of it. It's pretty clever. He literally told him they were getting married the first time they met. How romantic is <em>that</em>?”</p><p>Personally, Ned would say “disconcerting to the point of freaking out”, but he tries to stick to the subject. “Maybe he’s really not gay? I’d be the last to object, of course, but it sounds like you and the ladies have decided you want them to be a couple.”</p><p>“They <em>are</em> a couple.”</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“I just do.”</p><p>“You’re guessing.”</p><p>“'m not guessing, 'm <em>d-deducing</em>,” Felix hiccups.</p><p>Ned sighs. “All right. Felix?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Come to bed.”</p><p>“In a moment. I want to hear if something important is going on in their—”</p><p>“<em>Felix</em>.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“<em>Now</em>.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Why is our neighbor sitting on the stairs outside the building?” Ned asks as he comes home one evening, puzzled by the sight of John Watson, a respectable doctor and former military officer, looking like a kid sent out of class.</p><p>“Sherlock had to access his mind palace,” Felix says. </p><p>“His <em>what</em>?”</p><p>Felix sets out a long, detailed explanation about a sophisticated memory technique requiring absolute concentration and silence. </p><p>"So he banished John from the<em> apartment</em>? Couldn’t he just sit in a different room?”</p><p>“John's thoughts were too loud,” Felix says.</p><p>Ned gapes. “And Sherlock can’t, like, soundproof his brain castle’s wall?”</p><p>“It’s a <em>mind palace</em>, Ned, and that’s not how it works.”</p><p>Ned considers that briefly and decides he doesn't care how it actually works. He chuckles. “Well, I must say he certainly looks like his girlfriend kicked him out.”</p><p>A satisfied smile forms on Felix’s lips. “Told you they’re a couple."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"We are <em>not a couple</em>!” The outraged shout is clearly heard from through the wall.</p><p>Ned peers at Felix to check his reaction to such a clear denial.</p><p>Felix smiles leisurely. “Come on, Ned. You’ve heard the way they are. Only married couples argue so much.”</p><p>“<em>Excuse me</em>—” Ned begins indignantly, since he’s actually quite proud of how serene and harmonic their marriage is. </p><p>“Be a dear and hoover today, will you?”</p><p>Ned does, angrily mumbling one of Sherlock’s rants about compulsive tyrannical clean freaks.  </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Why does the entire place stink of smoke?” Felix wrinkles his nose as soon as he’s back from work. </p><p>“Your favorite mad neighbor set his flatmate’s jumpers on fire,” answers Ned through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Oh, right,” says Felix, as if this is the most reasonable thing in the world. </p><p>Even without Felix’s refined fashion-sense, Ned agrees it’s not a great loss, but right now he’s too furious to dismiss the subject and goes on heatedly. “Apparently John told Sherlock not to contact him while he’s at the clinic unless the flat’s on fire.”</p><p>Felix smiles affectionately. “Well, that’s Sherlock for you. Always two birds with one stone.”</p><p>Ned restrains himself from banging his head against the wall. “I can’t <em>believe</em> you’re justifying him! No, wait, what I can’t believe is that we’re having this argument over our neighbors! Personally I’m fed up with them today."</p><p>The next day Felix tells Ned the rest of the details. Apparently, John Watson’s woollies were more flammable than expected, but Sherlock refused to give up his scheme even as he texted John to call the firemen.</p><p>“Why <em>the hell </em>didn’t he call them himself?” Ned fears his head will explode.</p><p>“He prefers to text,” says Felix, as if it goes without saying.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix steps away from the window and concernedly reports that John’s left the building, looking cross. “It’s not healthy that he just leaves like that. They should talk things out.”</p><p>“Felix, it’s enough for me to have to deal with two nosy elderly women without you becoming a third one.”</p><p>Felix ignores him. “They should sort it out in bed,” he says determinedly.</p><p>“I'm surprised you haven't checked how <em>that’s </em>going,” Ned retorts sarcastically. </p><p>“I’ve tried, but the bedrooms are on the other side,” Felix says. </p><p>Ned stares at him, shocked, but Felix, the journalist he is, simply shrugs nonchalantly. “Being curious is my profession.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Felix, come on, you’ll be late for work!”</p><p>“Just a second. They’re leaving too, any moment now.”</p><p>Ned huffs impatiently. “What’s holding them up, then?”</p><p>“Sherlock's criticizing John’s appearance.”</p><p>“And that interests you because?”</p><p>Felix grins. “He’s very eloquent. And itemized. He's got an extremely impressive vocabulary, I must say.”</p><p>Ned rolls his eyes. “What's bothering him now?”</p><p>“John’s wearing jeans <em>in public</em>.” Felix laughs as he mimics Sherlock’s disgusted tone.</p><p>Ned snorts. “I bet that snob wears his suit to bed.”</p><p>“He sleeps naked. And he just wears a sheet inside the flat,” Felix says casually.</p><p>Ned peers at him to see if he's joking. He doesn't seem to be.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ned combs Felix’s hair with his fingers, humming contentedly. They’re curled on the sofa, watching a movie and passing an ice cream tub to and fro (alright, fine, Ned’s digging in the container and Felix occasionally has a bite). Ned savors these peaceful moments when it seems no one else exists outside their bubble. </p><p>Then Felix’s phone pings with a new message, and he grabs it from the end table.</p><p>“John’s in the hospital,” he announces. </p><p>“And you seem bizarrely pleased about it,” Ned says. Despite the criticism in his tone, he must admit Baker Street residents are used to seeing John and Sherlock walking around with bruises, souvenirs of their encounters with crime.</p><p>Felix waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t you understand? Every time something like this happens, Sherlock's confronted by how much he cares for John! It helps overcome his inner barriers!”</p><p>Ned extracts some more ice cream. “What did John break this time?” Not for all the tea in China is he going to  discuss inner barriers. </p><p>“Just a rib. But we’re on the right track!”</p><p>Ned offers up a brief prayer for John Watson and sincerely hopes “the right track” won’t end with <em>Here lies Sherlock Holmes’ spouse, prematurely taken from us</em> inscribed on his gravestone. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Today Sherlock told John he finds the fact that he’s his flatmate and co-worker tremendously satisfactory, that their relationship is an experiment exceeding expectation by 82 percent, and that he's not opposed to continuing it.”</p><p>“Really?” Ned looks up from the article he’s editing, impressed against his will. It sounds way too sentimental for Sherlock. “What did John say?”</p><p>“Nothing. He wasn’t there.”</p><p>Ned stares. “What?”</p><p>“He works at the clinic on Wednesdays.”</p><p>“So Sherlock’s been talking to him while he’s not around? I thought you said he was a genius.”</p><p>“He is!”</p><p>Ned glances at him skeptically.</p><p>“He’s just…” Felix grimaces, trying to explain. “Well, he <em>is </em>a sociopath. High functioning, though.”</p><p>“Sounds like a low-functioning ass to me. Put the kettle on, will you?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When Ned gets up one night for some water and finds the other side of the bed empty, he assumes Felix had a late recall on a deadline. In retrospect, he should have known he’d find him in his eavesdropping spot. </p><p>“It’s been exactly three months since they moved into the flat and Sherlock’s taking John along on a <em>triple </em>murder case,” Felix says, pleased. </p><p>Ned mentally considers all the level-headed responses to this, and gives up. He pours himself a glass of water. “It doesn’t strike me as awfully romantic,” he remarks.</p><p>Felix takes it personally. “On our first date you talked about the <em>Holocaust</em>,” he says coolly.</p><p><em>Oh</em>. Ned retreats. “Okay. Very symbolic, this <em>three </em>thing. But who said it’s intentional?”</p><p>Felix eyes him as though he’s being deliberately obtuse. “What else would it be?”</p><p>“Um… Coincidence?” Ned offers, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“It’s rare that the universe is quite that lazy, Ned,” Felix chides. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ned was hoping for a quiet evening at home with his husband, perhaps getting takeout and curling up in front of the TV, but said husband is pacing restlessly. “It’s too quiet at their place,” Felix declares.</p><p>Ned can't say that it bothers him one bit. “Sherlock must be in his brain temple,” he says dismissively. </p><p>“<em>Mind Palace</em>, Ned. And he can’t be, because John’s at home.” He stops, thinking, then concludes, his shoulders drooping: “They’re fighting again.”</p><p>Ned throws himself down on the sofa. “What now?”</p><p>Felix’s face is a picture of frustration. “I was out all day, so I don’t know. Unless… <em>oh</em>,” his expression turns gloomy. “John must’ve found out Sherlock hacked his blog and left comments for all his followers with his deductions about them. Ah, and maybe he also found out Sherlock’s been steaming open his mail then gluing it shut later, after he'd promised John his letters would be closed.”</p><p>Ned raises an eyebrow. </p><p>“These are minor details!” Felix throws his hands in the air. “Why can’t they just figure out they’re in love, that they’re on the same side…” He frowns, deep in thought.  </p><p>Ned turns on the telly. </p><p>“Hey, Neddie?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Let’s end their quarrel.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Let's give them something they can fuss about together.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Remember how you were complaining we can't <em>do </em>anything in the living room any longer when they’re at home?”</p><p>Ned looks up to find his madman of a husband gazing at him expectantly, batting his eyes suggestively. </p><p>“No. No way.”</p><p>“I’ll do that new thing you liked so much...”</p><p>“Absolutely not! Have you lost your mind?”</p><p>“Neddie…” Felix leans in towards him, nuzzling his nose into Ned’s neck. Ned’s not even sure why he tries resisting Felix, it’s not like he’s been ever able to resist those big puppy eyes. </p><p>“Lord, the things you talk me into…”</p><p>Felix grins triumphantly. “That’s one of John’s lines!”</p><p>Ned’s about to tell Felix that if he says either of their neighbors' names <em>once</em> more it’ll put an end to any fooling around, but then Felix makes him forget he ever wanted to complain.</p><p>He reconsiders that a while later when they're both lying on the rug, out of breath and slightly hoarse after an especially vocal session, as Felix extricates himself from their tangled limbs and hurries to The Wall. </p><p>“I think they’ve gone out to eat,” he says, satisfied. </p><p>Ned closes his eyes in despair. </p><p>“Second round once they're back?” Felix suggests. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ned has more or less come to terms with his partner's obsession with the neighbors, and anyhow it’s better than that time Felix did nothing but watch soap operas. </p><p>Come to think of it, it wasn’t all that different, but at least in this case there's only one couple’s storyline for him to obsess about, and one of them's even a fairly normal human being. Sherlock's a complete soap opera queen. (“Hysterical, overly dramatic, a huge ego, won’t stop bragging, uses unnecessarily posh language—isn’t he like that woman Brunhilda?” - “It was Romilda, Ned, and it turned out her behavior was the result of her having a hidden pregnancy she'd carried unknowingly since she was nine; I hardly think that’s the case with Sherlock.”)</p><p>Plus, the fact that he's never met Sherlock or John in person helps him pretend they’re nothing but characters in a show. It soothes his nerves, sometimes.</p><p>Nothing, however, has prepared him for the evening he walks into the flat to find Felix with his ear soldered to The Wall. That's not the dumbfounding thing. In fact, Ned wonders when it became <em>standard</em>. </p><p>“Perhaps I should go to their place and greet you from there," he says. "It'd be more effic—”</p><p>Felix hushes him and wildly signals him to approach. When Ned fails to do so quickly enough, Felix grabs his arm and pulls him over.</p><p>“Ouch! Felix, what—”</p><p>“Shhh!” Felix shoves Ned’s head against the wall. </p><p>At first, Ned hears nothing but his own breathing, but then... “What the hell?” His eyes widen. </p><p>"They’re having sex!” Felix whispers, sporting a giant grin, all pride and excitement. “We can hear them because they’re on their couch. They were arguing before—I heard lots of shouting—and then they just started making out. <em>Finally</em>!”</p><p>Okay. Ned’s not exactly a prude, alright? He’s the head of an LGBTQ organization and every day he meets people with all sorts of orientations and kinks. He’s proud of it. But Ned has his limits.</p><p>He shrugs off his partner’s grip and takes a few steps back. Then another, for good measure. </p><p>“Felix, back away from that wall immediately,” he orders.</p><p>“What? Why? I want to make sure everything’s going well—”</p><p>“For fuck's sake!” Ned catches Felix’s shoulder and drags him to the middle of the living room. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. “Felix, I know that for a journalist the concept of ‘privacy’ translates as ‘an extremely big scoop’, but we common people still have some principles. So you’re coming to the kitchen now and we’re going to make an overly complex meal, just like in those fancy restaurants you're so fond of. You can choose the music but I’ll be in charge of the volume.”</p><p>Felix reluctantly obeys, but he seems embittered. He won’t stop casting glances at The Wall, mumbling things like “I bet he said ‘I love you’, I can't believe I’m missing that”, and from time to time he begs Ned to let him “just check if they’re still going”.</p><p>They haven’t got past the most basic stage of meal prep before Ned breaks and takes Felix out bar hopping. Extended bar hopping.</p><p>When they’re back he pulls Felix to bed immediately. But when he stumbles out to the kitchen in the morning for coffee, he finds his incorrigible husband manning his usual eavesdropping station. Before he has the chance to protest, Felix turns his face to him, smiling beatifically, and whispers, “Another round.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix sees this development in their neighbors' relationship—a development reiterated often in subsequent weeks—as a breakthrough, but Ned doesn’t think it'll inevitably lead to marriage. From what he knows about those two (<em>way </em>more than he wants to, thank you very much), they both have unusual lifestyles, not to mention Sherlock’s flat out contempt for everything <em>ordinary</em>, so he supposes they won't want to cement their love through something as trivial as marriage. Even <em>Ned </em>doesn’t think it's essential to marry, and was mainly driven into it by the need to make a statement about gay rights (and a hopelessly romantic boyfriend, of course). </p><p>Not for the first time, it turns out he's wrong. (“You see but you do not observe,” Felix’s voice sing-songs in his head, quoting Sherlock).</p><p>To Felix, Mrs. Turner, and Mrs. Hudson’s great chagrin, none of them ever find out what precipitated the proposal, who proposed to whom and where, so all their weeks of speculations and bets were for nothing. (“I reckon Sherlock took him to the morgue in Barts… the place they <em>first met</em>… a way more original location than <em>Angelo’s</em>, romantic candle or not”).</p><p>It seems neither Sherlock nor John were completely oblivious about the fever-buzz of interest around their relationship, and they finally took measures to keep at least one special occasion to themselves.</p><p>So Felix and his aunt are surprised—not to say disappointed—when Mrs. Hudson shows up one day carrying leftovers from an elegant wedding cake she baked for Sherlock and John Watson-Holmes. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Married, Felix finds their neighbors far less intriguing  (though he clearly still has a place in his heart for them and he’s way more forgiving than Ned whenever they noisily reprise their first time on the sofa). The wall-listening stops and Ned’s sure they’ve finally left the whole obsession behind.</p><p>Then one day, Ned and Felix—now Mrs. Turner's <em>not-so-special-any-more </em>couple—are in her parlor when Mrs. Hudson bursts in, an expression of triumph on her face. She looks dramatically around at them all, then announces proudly: “Sherlock and John have applied for an adoption.”</p><p>Mrs. Turner turns and spears her nephew with an expectant stare. </p><p>Felix's eyes light up. </p><p>Ned buries his face in his hands. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hopefully it's clear that I think stalking your neighbors (or anyone else) is totally unacceptable, and everything described here is entirely humoristic :)</p><p>Ideally I'd have Sherlock's response to everything going on, since he's undoubtedly aware, but I don't feel talented enough to do it properly. If anyone would like to pick up the gauntlet, you're welcome to do so!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>